ladies to the gunfight

From CK:

Welcome to another special installment of the EVE Blog Banter, the monthly EVE Online blogging extravaganza created by myself, CrazyKinux. The EVE Blog Banter involves an enthusiastic group of gaming bloggers, a common topic within the realm of EVE Online, and a week to post articles pertaining to the said topic. The resulting articles can either be short or quite extensive, either funny or dead serious, but are always a great fun to read! Any questions about the EVE Blog Banter should be directed to me. Check out other EVE Blog Banter articles at the bottom of this post!

What could CCP Games do to attract and maintain a higher percentage of women to the game. Will Incarna do the trick? Can anything else be done in the mean time? Can we the players do our part to share the game we love with our counterparts, with our sisters or daughters, with the Ladies in our lives? What could be added to the game to make it more attractive to them? Should anything be changed? Is the game at fault, or its player base to blame?

 

Many crass generalizations and Stereotypes are about to occur but just know that for sure, not every woman who  fits this idea. ( sarcasm light is ON in overheated mode)

What exactly do women want from a Spaceship MMO game? Yes on it’s surface it is a complex question.  Lets look back and try to rationalize what we know women want in general

Lust

Lust

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The women I know all want a good romp in the hay.  Yep, I am blessed to know so many women that just run around and “get’ with every man they see.  It is both a blessing and a curse indeed. NO they do not seek the deeper emotional attachment that comes with more than just 1 night.  Lets equate EvE to a bar shall we?  Women want to walk into a bar, and get pounced on the minute they clear the door (or gate) in EvE’s case.  See that way they know that the guys inside that bar are so desperate that they will attack anything with as much fervor as possible, and dammit we all know that women want to be “ganked” in EvE am I right?  Of course I am, otherwise I would not be writing this. SO as in the real world women want to be bum rushed and pounced on.  EvE provides this as a SERVICE to all denizens inside it’s virtual borders. Ergo EvE = real life in a bar setting. In EvE you want some lust?  Go on a good roam ( think of them as pub crawls) and pounce on every ship you see.  A bad roam trawling through many bars and finding them empty :(.  To get more Women to play I think we amp it up a bit and give away shoes to those that kill the most in a given night 😉

Betrayal

betrayal
doesn’t everyone want this?

Of course everyone wants to betray you it is in their genetic code.  They want to draw you in like a spider to a fly. Much as in EvE, you meet a nice sweet, pilot  that wants to be a builder, yes a creator of sorts.  You sweet talk them and Pounce on them (see LUST from above) and they keep wanting more of you for some ungodly reason.  You convince them to give you PLEX’s in return for vast sums of more money.  ( we all know that ISK grows on the tress harvested in the CCP sections of space rite?) They turn over the PLEX’s to you an BAMM your out of there faster than a raptor equipped with rigs to make you warp at 20 AU/s.  Pilots WANT to be betrayed see and in this way EvE is a paradise for Women.  There are so many easy marks noob’s that you can get through 15 jumps from Jita and they are falling out of the woodwork.

Women love this fertile ground of  easy players wanting to be betrayed.  Especially if it is by a women!

hot half-naked men

See LUST picture for my Picture!

Yes that’s right going past the spaceships in game, there  are the hot as hell, half-naked men, that play this game ( see my picture above for LUST).

True Story.  A corp mate and another Director I know his name Begins with a G and ends with a ixxer1000, plays naked. He gets more women than a toilet seat at grand central station, during rush hour on black Friday in a non-recession year, after drinking 64 ounces of diet soda..  All of us that play, are hawt as hell.  Me too, I am 6″3.5″ 225 Pounds of rippling man flesh, just waiting for the chance to meet you lovely young ladies, till Mrs. Mule walks in the room at which time I will revert to the Facade of ” oh hi there ma’am”. I am not so easy to surprise, most of the time (wink wink)  So ladies if you want hot half-naked, or 100% naked men sitting as a keyboard waiting to pounce on you come on play!

EvE is just chock full of them. If your worried about attachment and dear god we know you don’t want to utter the “L” word see betrayal above.

a good story

Mule going to get kittens

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We all love a good story. Pilots especially want to hear the story of your life in EvE, this make believe spaceship game hosted out of England.  Tell them your story, yes that’s right even the sordid bits, the gross stuff, even the stuff you do not tell your mom cause your ashamed.  Pilots when conversing back…be honest, now not everyone is hung like a donkey, you might be an elephant, or  “mule”, or even a  rhino.  In your story though you have to include cats, or preferably kittens, and puppies, as pilots eat that stuff up.  Seeing as how all the women I know have kittens and puppies this seems like a fertile ground for ladies to come in and have at it. (see LUST above in case you forgot)

Another true story, Below  is a picture of me going to get flowers and kittens for my lovely… ummm…. friend from the internet spaceship game EvE, without Mrs. Mule noticing I took her scooter.

Lies

Me, Da Mule

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Secretly all women like liars.  Women make shit up, play with emotions, like the kitten does with a ball of Yarn , or the puppy with  a stick.  Women toy with em.  Tell pilots any good story you want( see “a good story above”) Make shit up that makes you look better than you are.  I should have said 6″ 5″ and 210 pounds but , well, I lie poorly you see. Maybe that is a lie too eh? ( small note it is a know fact that Canadian Women LOVE the Canadian Man accent, remember it is ‘man” singular as there are so few in number proportionally so can say man ( except for the town  that did operation Yellow ribbon that town is full of them but they don’t get the internet there).

Pilots love to lie all the time.  When I say, “sure I won’t pod you for 100M ISK I do not really mean it, I love to pod you unless I can get more out of you, is what I mean.

Do not lie to them about Real life stuff though: They like the fact that you may be living in your mom’s house, eating chef- boyardee by the caseload, and sit on a seat that doubles as a toilet. So ladies there are tons of liars in New Eden, hell even that name is a lie, Eden my ass…but i digress.

Come to New Eden ladies…everyone is honest…no lies!

Communication is so straight forward

I can only talk of my experiences about why my wife, Mrs. Mule doesn’t play EvE.  She will watch me click various buttons, mutter gibberish, into a headphone that looks like I could control 1/2 of Harts-field Atlanta’s Air traffic Control Center, and listen to me mutter curses if something happens I did not want expect. Take the sample below it is so straight forward do I even need to explain?

Here is a snippet of conversation:

FC to fleet  “Fleet, destination is in fleet, Jump on contact, align and hold to the outbound”

I answer: ” FC, scout is +1, 2 reds, no visuals, nothing on scan, gate is clear”

FC to Fleet ” Belay that, Warp to gate at optimals, set RR BS as target, engage upon landing, realign P5 M10″

This isn’t complicated!   Every one knows what fleet is! Everyone knows optimal and RR BS,and Party at 5 Meet at 10 means, am i rite?

SO simply and Easy to play

Undock in your rookie ship and come shoot people! that’s right Everyone does this Women love things that are simple and easy to play ( except Mrs. Mule) She doesn’t like simple things at all but maybe I’m lying..

This game doesn’t have an DAMN encyclopedia of stuff to remember!  It doesn’t have 238 different types of ships, nor does it have so many star systems that they even had to name them with some frigging algorithm.  Nope we are all one big happy shard sitting in our ships waiting for lovely young women to “play” with ( see LUST above)

EvE is a piece of cake to play, simple and straight forward, not nearly as complex as you might think.  Don’t read stuff, jump right in to the pool ( it is all the same depth about 1 Inch deep) and be careful not to stub your toe!

Women Love easy simple games and this CERTAINLY qualifies as one!

So there you have it EvE is a game that will satisfy a woman’s LUST, fulfill her need for betrayal.  This game is chock full of  Hawt Men, who want nothing more than a good story, and no lies please!

(sarcasm light is off now)

Take care and I hoped you laughed a bit!

 

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Other particpants:

  1. The Ladies of New Eden
  2. Is EVE a man’s world?
  3. Sorry, No Pink Spaceships Here Please
  4. EVE Blog Banter: Chicks ‘N Ships
  5. Eve Blog Banter: The Girls Who Fly Spaceships
  6. It’s not about fluffy bloody Kittens people!
  7. Space Boobies Are Bad, m’kay?
  8. Special Blog Banter: I Like Girls
  9. Special Edition or making Eve More Casual
  10. I wish my wife played EVE
  11. Is there something special about women?
  12. CK’s Blog Banter
  13. The Female of the Species
  14. EVE Online Can Appeal to Women By Adding Casual Content
  15. Blog Banter: The Ladies
  16. Women Who Want EVE
  17. Tech 2 stilettos
  18. New Eden doesn’t need to change for Eve – Adam needs to get over himself
  19. EVE Online and… women (sorta)
  20. Think Outside the Spaceship
  21. EVE’s monthly banter – Women, women, women
  22. Girls Just Wanna Have… Guns!
  23. Draco Horizons (Blog) <– Needs to add intro (with links) and list of participants
  24. Don’t change Eve for me!
  25. Where Are Teh Laydeez of EVE?
  26. Where Are All The Wenches?
  27. EVEquality: The Rise of the Female Gamer
  28. Women? In MY SPACESHIP? Is she from Mars as well?
  29. Blog Banter: Captain Kirk Hates Eve
  30. The Female of the Species
  31. The Ladies of New Eden
  32. EVE and the X by X Genetic Succession Unit
  33. Sociability V
  34. Girl on Girls in Space
  35. What women want (in Eve)
  36. Time Is On Our Side
  37. Roc Appeal <– Needs to add intro (with links) and list of participants
  38. Women in EVE
  39. Getting In Touch With Our Feminine Side
  40. It’s a woman’s world (they just don’t know it yet!) <– Needs to add link to the Banter in the intro
  41. Women in EVE – Can it be done? <– Needs to add intro (with links) and list of participants
  42. You’d Rather Be Playing The Sims, Right?
  43. Blog Banter #17 – Women in Eve
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~ by Manasiv5 on April 23, 2010.

4 Responses to “ladies to the gunfight”

  1. Well, I think it is simply absurd to think of “changing” the game to appeal to any particular niche audience, CCP should just focus on making the best game they can. I’m sure Eve doesn’t appeal to certain South Pacific Native people either, but that doesn’t mean I think it needs more coconuts.

  2. You are a disturbing individual, Mule! But I chuckled all the way through this post despite–or because of–that small fact about you. LOLS!

  3. I laughed. I'm worried about you, but perhaps that's only because you sounded familiar… yikes!

Comments are closed.

 
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